Love, Peace, and Harmony...with peanut butter M&M's on the side! Thats what im about...learn more by reading on. o.0

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Looking Back

It sucks when you have a lot of time on your hands. I always have to stay busy with something because my mind tends to wander and I start thinking. When I get to thinking, I start asking questions. Being that I am thinking to myself, I guess I have to leave it to myself to answer those questions. Sometimes it gets scary when I don't know the answer to some of those questions, but its good that the fact is brought to light. I would really have to think about it after finding out that I can't supply a reasonable or exceptional answer. I guess that's the dangerous part of having all this time to think. You still with me?

Sometimes I wonder why I do the things I do or feel the way I do about something. I believe I'm strong, but am I really? I wonder everyday why I am still at Sears when my friend and I are constantly talking about the ill treatment we and the other associates receive. We all talk about how we should just all walk out at once and see what they do. Nobody has enough balls. Oh well, talking about Sears is upsetting me. I will be gone for the next few days so I can clear my mind and not think about fugly work for a while. Maybe I can catch up on some sleep as well.

This is my last year in high school. I have a good number of friends that have graduated and their lives don't seem much different than before graduating. As for a select few, I see them going off and doing great things. I wonder which one of the two will be me. I know which one I would want to be, but striving for it won't be easy. I am afraid that I will not see all the same faces I see everyday. It's also scary how fast everything is going. School is already almost halfway through and there is a whole lot more to be accomplished. If I attempted to make a list, it would be never ending. Lord knows I am the queen of procrastination and really have to cram to get things done at the last minute. That's another thing I don't understand. Why do I do that to myself. I become stressed out because of it.

I am 18 now. Nothing much has changed, my parents don't interrogate me as much when I walking out the door to do something. My curfew on the week days remain, but they still haven't clarified the changes to my weekend. I don't see the point to knowing anymore anyway. It's not like I have much of a life. I go to internship first thing, then arrive at class, ride it out until 2:30, take a breather for a moment then off to work at Sears from 4 (because they known better than to schedule me before I have time to retain my sanity) to 10:00 because they decided they would close later this week so people can do their holiday shopping late at night. Last night I saw no point in it, the store was dead since 8:00.

I titled this blog "Looking Back" because not only do I think too much during my idle time, I also reminisce. Whenever I get stressed or am unhappy I can always think of good times. Thinking of good times enables me to make it through the rest of the day. The last few days have really been trudging.

Woo..thats it for now. I have a whole lot more on my mind..but I caught myself thinking again.