Looking Back

It sucks when you have a lot of time on your hands. I always have to stay busy with something because my mind tends to wander and I start thinking. When I get to thinking, I start asking questions. Being that I am thinking to myself, I guess I have to leave it to myself to answer those questions. Sometimes it gets scary when I don't know the answer to some of those questions, but its good that the fact is brought to light. I would really have to think about it after finding out that I can't supply a reasonable or exceptional answer. I guess that's the dangerous part of having all this time to think. You still with me?

Sometimes I wonder why I do the things I do or feel the way I do about something. I believe I'm strong, but am I really? I wonder everyday why I am still at Sears when my friend and I are constantly talking about the ill treatment we and the other associates receive. We all talk about how we should just all walk out at once and see what they do. Nobody has enough balls. Oh well, talking about Sears is upsetting me. I will be gone for the next few days so I can clear my mind and not think about fugly work for a while. Maybe I can catch up on some sleep as well.

This is my last year in high school. I have a good number of friends that have graduated and their lives don't seem much different than before graduating. As for a select few, I see them going off and doing great things. I wonder which one of the two will be me. I know which one I would want to be, but striving for it won't be easy. I am afraid that I will not see all the same faces I see everyday. It's also scary how fast everything is going. School is already almost halfway through and there is a whole lot more to be accomplished. If I attempted to make a list, it would be never ending. Lord knows I am the queen of procrastination and really have to cram to get things done at the last minute. That's another thing I don't understand. Why do I do that to myself. I become stressed out because of it.

I am 18 now. Nothing much has changed, my parents don't interrogate me as much when I walking out the door to do something. My curfew on the week days remain, but they still haven't clarified the changes to my weekend. I don't see the point to knowing anymore anyway. It's not like I have much of a life. I go to internship first thing, then arrive at class, ride it out until 2:30, take a breather for a moment then off to work at Sears from 4 (because they known better than to schedule me before I have time to retain my sanity) to 10:00 because they decided they would close later this week so people can do their holiday shopping late at night. Last night I saw no point in it, the store was dead since 8:00.

I titled this blog "Looking Back" because not only do I think too much during my idle time, I also reminisce. Whenever I get stressed or am unhappy I can always think of good times. Thinking of good times enables me to make it through the rest of the day. The last few days have really been trudging.

Woo..thats it for now. I have a whole lot more on my mind..but I caught myself thinking again.

•o6.o1.o6•

So I am sitting here and was thinking about what to blog about. Well type my mind... and heres what it reads:

Okay so it happend. I found him. The one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Only seventeen? Does it matter? I know what I feel and how I feel about him. How can you argue when you have two people that share a connection like this where one loves the other unconditionaly.

**

"Missing you already and you just left..."

Anyway...about my baby.
We first hooked up the first of June. It was actually kind of funny how it happened. At the time we were both working at Sears. I had always had a little crush on him..but he didn't know that, neither was I planning on telling him because I didn't really see us going anywhere. Nevertheless, here we are 4 months 2 weeks 5 days later together and in love.

**

"I love you more everyday..."

He never fails to make me smile and always can make me laugh. There's hardly ever a dull moment when we're together. You'd think if you spent enough time with a person, it would get old. Not in this case, I can never get enough. Of course, he has his moments and I have mine. There will be ups and downs like any other relationship. Its all apart of the journey and I'm willing to take it as long as its with him.

***

If you trust anybody, trust me. Don't be afraid to lean on me, I will be there for you. Let me be your wing.

I pray for you as I do for us and what we have. They may not believe you're the right one for me, you may not believe it either. What really matters is that I believe it, and it will pull through if you're willing to ride with me.

I love you Jonathan Matthew Mavity..always will.

edit//

On a lighter note, internship is going pretty well. School work..........not so much. Check out the blogs I have on the News Herald site!

"Great changes may not happen right away, but with effort even the difficult may become easy."
- Bill Blackman

Insomnia with hours 'til I lose my wisdom

4 hours to be exact

Sometimes you just can't take your eyes off of the television...

"Spare the rod, spoil the child" Yea...the phrase can relate to a lot of different issues, but the main idea is to let the fault deal itself out. It's not good to try to patch it up because it's only going to come back later. Meaning the problems were resolved only temporarily which can be dangerous if they should ever get worse in the future. They cover up pot holes knowing that they will be there again when the rain comes, the rain will come and the holes will be bigger than ever. Why don't they go ahead and mend the road? Love somebody? Fix the troubles from the start. Pretending will only lead to built up frustration.

...a lot of thoughts running through my head. All different, some just random. You can really think about a lot whenever you're up in the middle of the night and the world's asleep. Things I wish I could go back to and things to anticipate. Hmm..

Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

-Sylvia Robinson

...and the beat goes on

Alright soooooooo... I have a song running through my head.
"Remember the name"

This is ten percent luck,
twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure,
fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to
remember the name!

Dont ask why. I've just been thinking that a lot of my life revolves around school and work. I have a little bit of free but that's only when I

1. have no school

2. am off from work

3. am getting off from work. or

4. am getting off from school. lol but newayz.

October is so jampacked mann... i barely have room to breath.
The first week i was only at work and school for one day then went down to Orlando to a conference which had me gone for 3 days. The fair happened. I went ...i had fun =]

Hopefully i have the time to do some catching up for sure. Then i gotta work on stuff for internship! Its gonna be hard. so lets see if i can do it =P lol Lets hope people are willing to talk to me about the whole classroom weblogs and uniforms. If not then i may just go ahead and talk to them about uniforms. Its hard to ask just about the whole classroom blog discussion because it could branch off to other things. How many people have a myspace? Everybody and their mothers. O btw...i found that you couldn't access blogger at school unless you have a direct link to somebody's page cuz i went to mine. =]

Blogger but not MySpace

I, like the many other people of the world, am a MySpace junkie. Im basically there for friends. lol yea uhhuh. but its also something to do when im bored in class. BUT! its most definitely on the school's restricted list. Why?? I bet you i can access Blogger from a school computer and you actually write on this post like its a journal. a lot like xanga, another favorite past time. I decided to start one just to try something new and see if i am able to use it while im in class. I also started it for my inernship at the News Herald where im working on a project where i have to write about classroom blogging. Im going to see if schools have a blogging system set up for their classrooms and what students and teachers think about it. Im posting right now instead of gathering juicy bits because everybody (mainly principles) are either in a meeting, not there, or just unaware of any happenings with programs in their school. I also have to wait until between classes to talk to the teachers because they are not able to come to the phone. It is totally understandable that they haven't set one up yet because classroom blogging has just been brought up. The concept is similar to GCCC's BlackBoard where students are able to start forums, contact their professors and also fellow classmates. The site would have their daily tasks/assignments, homework, due dates, test dates, and other vital information that is required of the course. But newayz...im just rambling now. More LATER!!